alright so…. here goes nothing. i used to date this girl. she was very very special to me… you can kinda say we went a little too fast but fuck it. it felt so right… anyhoo. we actually used to go to the same middle school together. hopefully if shes on tumblr or just happens to scroll down enough she will read this… anyways…. we were going out and i gotta say things were going so great for me. i had a great job… i was extremely happy. i basically lived at her house. her whole family loved me as much as i loved them back. there was nothing that she wouldnt do for me… i mean… cmon… she would even roll my blunts up… lol i digress. she was so perfect.. so a couple months go by and like i didnt realize how strong my feelings were for her… fast foward a little bit… things slowly start to fuck up… well… i start to fuck up… one day we were at her house watching a soccer game & i had my facebook opened and somethings were in my messages & .. she broke up with me. i ended up walking home that evening…. it happened so fast too…. i didnt know that all of these feelings would catch up to me now.. so i begged.. and begged and begged & told her id never hurt her again…. she took me back. it took some time but she came around.. & things started to work again…. i brought her around my family & my friends & everyone approved… i was genuinely happy. I was planning on spending my life with her.. i had it all figured out too. a couple months go by and for some reason. i start drifting away. & so does she…. what happened next kinda took me off my feet… we ended up splitting up and we were barely talking. we still had feelings but. we werent together anymore….. one day im at the beach with a couple of my people enjoying some drinks and then all of a sudden my friend tells me”hey, you know she has a boyfriend right?” that right there fucked with me. i called her and i was all like “how come you didnt tell me , how did u just move on so fast” … i realized that i took her for granted… fast fowarding a little bit more… we tried to be together again. knowing that our feelings were strong for eachother… but… it just wasnt the right time i guess….she would come over to my house to visit me on late nights & she would skype with me and text me whenever she got the chance… but.. idk why i didnt hold on to it. my heart kept telling me to hold on to her.. my brain was not …. pardon my internet grammer, im typing way too fast as im getting into my feelings whilst listening to some j dilla instrumentals….. bro.. she was my ride or die.. she was perfect too.. beautiful smile.. nice tan skin tone… the sweetest voice.. the perfect height.. i couldnt beleive it. i felt like the luckiest guy. like how couold she fall in love with me? how did this happen… … she was into the beatles…. and she got me into the beatles….. i was into kendrick lamar & big krit… & shed ride to me jamming to big krit…. we would have this thing where… she would pick me up from my house late at night. & we would ride to south beach… and just lay on the sand holding eachother…. drinking. laughing. talking shit… & we would wait until the sun came up… then we would leave to go have some breakfast… i was a fool… fast fowarding to now… shes happily married….. shes in love with the guy shes with & i respect that. I wish her nothing but happiness & success to them & a long lasting relationship. & i hope he treats her better then what i did… i didnt deserve her. or maybe i did and i was too stupid to realize it. immature if you will… hopefully she reads this.. or not… i just want to give my message out to you tumblr folk….. if something good comes in your life & you see nothing but growth….keep that next to you… hold on to it real tight…. stuff like that never comes around twice. & i unfortunately had to learn it the hard way…. me and her dont speak anymore. but… i still see her post things up on instagram. all i have now are these memories of how happy i used to be…. her husband though…. hes one lucky guy. ill give him that…. shes a special person & even though we no longer remain as friends….. I still hold her deeply in my heart… dont get me wrong.. i lost her and all… but i dont regret one moment i had with her… waking up late in the afternoon with her next to me… opening my eyes and having her holding on to me… to the stupid fights we had… she showed me so much that i would have never seen…. i had unconditional love for her & i always will… as for now… im alone. its just me, myself & I. i hope you guys read this and it touches you in more ways then one. i know it has for me ….
its funny 4-20 actually resonates big time for me. we actually made it official on 4-20…. so im going to light one up for her…. wherever she is….. this one is for you M.